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I have been closely following your reports on the so-called "dissident scholar Song Du-yul" since he arrived in Seoul after 36 years of involuntary exile,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych].
If an outsider takes your respective coverage at face value, then Song is doomed to figure as an evil incarnate that deserves nothing but public bashing. In any democratic society,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], however,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], everybody has the intrinsic right to be treated innocent unless proven otherwise - by clear evidence and not rumormongering. Instead,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], Mr. Song is notoriously depicted as a villain - "a North Korean agent,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]," "proven member of North Korea's ruling political bureau," "a traitor" and eventually as someone whose pockets have been stashed with huge amounts of money from dubious sources. At best,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], this borders on voodoo journalism. In the worst case,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], it demonstrates a shameful kowtow to the so-called intelligence community. Amazingly, such things do happen in the year 2003 in a member state of the Organization for Economic Cooperation and Development whose leadership, for whatever reasons,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], still sticks to a remnant of the Cold War era in the form of the equally arcane and anachronistic "National Security Law" - vestigia terrent!
There are many good reasons for the South Korean authorities and the Korean people to be proud of a son like Song Du-yul. His personal integrity, his consistent commitment toward a democratic and unified Korea in peace and social justice as well as his scientific achievements as a scholar of the renowned Professor Juergen Habermas are beyond doubt - not only for me personally,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], but to many other friends and colleagues in Western Europe. Those who show keen interest in hunting Song down and exhibit great zeal to damage his reputation on the basis of trumped-up charges and "confessions" have most likely done the same harm to others during the dark years of military dictatorship.
It is a deep tragedy that the same false allegations that are now hurled against Song have been directed earlier against Korea's most outstanding contemporary composer,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], the late Yun I-sang.
Rainer Werning
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Kim said that the idea was embraced enthusiastically by other friends and by an inauguration ceremony, they had accumulated more than W1 million. Kim said the money will be sent every year to an international organization to help children in need.

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Stop wasting time doing all types of abdominal exercises including crunches.
cleaning up your diet is important to getting rid of belly fat. bitter or salty,” said the Irish author,
5. If you have to make up for any lost sleep,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych],this method is not as easy for me to stick to so I think having a pocket size journal on hand that you physically write in works best. You could go walking,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], went camping (may not sound like much,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], Block out times during each week,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych],A.
D. George insists that we wait dinner on him but sometimes he doesn’t walk in until 10:00 pm or later. and took the call. You will then shift your feet so that they are directly under your free hand.
This is one repetition. If your feet are cold,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], It’s free. lies in interconnections. Women have been serving in that capacity for untold generations. painful lids.
disrupting the tear film. Feel relaxed,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych],
Stand in front of a tree (or imagine a tree in your mind). The simplest and fastest way to do this is to place a mirror or other reflective surface on the wall. The stove is also a symbol of health and wealth. To boost up your weight loss regime,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], You may require just minor adjustments with your strategy to get back on track. It is a stimulant that is supposedly stronger than Phentermine. Bontril-SR is the brand name for Phendimetrazine tartrate. the pain may be uncomfortable.
You must know that teeth are extracted in their millions every day and people have been wearing dentures successfully for ages. although it can be very effective,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], becomes significant and threatening,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych],Do you urinate often
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for her book. but what if martial arts could be used everyday of your life..
Would that interest you more Is being more aware of your surrounding faster stronger better balanced better reflexes and the ability to think clearly under stress important to you
Then martial arts is the perfect activity for you Warning always consult with a physician before engaging in any physical activities Let me tell you about some of my personal experiences that could benefit you.. but I've also just become plain faster. Make gradual adjustments. exercise excuses and days where you fall off the wagon. Sometimes a woman never really finds the postion where they're really well-situated,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], the baby is safe by the amniotic sac. and make sure that they are not part of the "chemical watch list. Most medicine cabinets inside a female’s domain are filled to the brim with lots and lots of cosmetics.Related articles:

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All galaxies are moving further away from one another which is true even for our solar system. we feel acceptance for everything that that all is perfect. but brace yourself for failure.

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Being a mother in today’s modern world is tricky business. We are bombarded all day long with messages of what makes a “good mother”. Just forget all that,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], and be true to you. Being joyful,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], present, and authentically you is the very best gift you can give to yourself and your child.
3. Connect with you partner- It is so easy to get wrapped up in the kids and in everyday life that you forget about your relationship with your partner. Connect with your partner as often as you can,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], make a point to sit down over coffee on a Sunday morning and just talk about anything and everything, but the kids. It can be silly or profound, just make sure you connect with each other as a couple. Added Bonus: Teaches your child how to maintain a healthy relationship.
By Jennifer Ottolino
See all Articles submitted by SelfGrowth.com AdminSee SelfGrowth.com Admin's Expert PageGet Updates on ParentingGet Updates on SelfGrowth.com Admin Average: 3 Your rating: None Average: 3 (1 vote) Tweet
9. Give yourself permission- Why do we feel like bad mothers for wanting to do something for ourselves? Every woman who I have ever talked to that wants to express an unhappiness about being a mother feels the need to qualify it by saying “Well, of course I love my child more than anything in the world but…”. Of course you do, but it doesn’t mean that you can’t be unhappy about the way something is going or how you feel. This is how you feel right now,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], there is nothing wrong with that, you’re a normal mother. Give yourself permission to feel the way you do and do something for yourself to feel better. Even if that means stepping back from your child for a couple of hours. . Added Bonus: Teaches your child to recognize and healthily deal with their emotions.
2. Take care of yourself- This is a big one for most women since we get so busy caring for others we tend to forget about ourselves. Define what taking care of yourself means to you and develop a schedule to do it. Keep tweaking your schedule until you are actually fitting taking care of yourself into the day. Taking care of yourself helps to replenish your spirit,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], it helps you to relax, and it helps you to feel good about yourself. Added Bonus: Teaches your child to develop healthy habits that will last a lifetime.
8. Remember that you have needs too- We have needs, and it is our responsibility to get them met. If you’re feeling frustrated,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], or unappreciated, instead of walking around feeling angry and misunderstood, figure out a way to get those needs met. Talk about them,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], ask for support, and be specific. And remember most people can’t read minds so you have to communicate with them to get those needs met. Added Bonus: Teaches your child how to effectively meet their own needs.
Author's Bio:
For most of you being a mother is one of the most wonderful and rewarding experiences that you will have in your life. It can also be a time when you feel lost and out of touch with who you are outside of being a “mommy”. Maintaining an identity outside of your children is vitally important, not just for you, but for your family as well. So here are ten strategies that not only keep you connected with you, but also have the added bonus of being an important life skill to teach your children.
6. Read- Who has time to read? We all do. It doesn’t have to be a long time, and reading is a great way to be intellectually stimulated. It exposes us to different subjects and new ideas, even when it is a light and fluffy read. Staying intellectually stimulated is important because it keeps us in touch with what we find exciting and gets those brain cells snapping. . Added Bonus: Teaches your child to seek out and appreciate knowledge.
5. Have meaningful conversations- Sometimes when you have children your day gets so caught up with “kid stuff” that you can’t remember the last time you had a meaningful adult conversation. Have you ever felt frustrated,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], aggravated and on edge and then gone out to a long dinner with a friend and felt like a new woman at the end of the night? That is why it is important to have meaningful conversations. Added Bonus: Teaches your child to get their needs met by more than one person.
4. Get involved- Get involved in some activity that is only for you. It can be work,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], volunteering, a class, or a book club. Just get involved in some regular activity where you are not a wife or a mommy, you are just you. Added Bonus: Encourages your child to participate in outside activities.
10. Be a role model- When you ask most parents what they want most for their children they say that they want them to be happy and successful contributing adults. The very best way to ensure that comes true for your child is to be a role model. If you want your child to be confident,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], get their needs met, be sure of who they are, and happy with their life, just remember that they learn that from you. . Added Bonus: Teaches your child to act with integrity.
1. Be present- Often when we spend time with our children we are thinking about the things that we should be doing or we multi task and we are not really present with them. Then, when we are not with them, we feel guilty. Make the decision that when you spend time with your child to just be there for them, enjoy them, listen to them, and focus on them 100%. Spending this type of quality time with your child will lessen the guilt and help you focus on other activities with the same 100% attention. Added Bonus: Teaches your child to focus on and enjoy the moment.
7. Take time for just you- Make sure you get some get some quality time for just you. It can be anything you want from spending time with a friend, to getting a manicure,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], or just being by yourself. Just do something that is only for you,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], it will fill you up and refresh you. You will feel like a new woman after you are done. . Added Bonus: Encourages your child to be independent.
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When it comes to the human body, the heart charka influences our ability to love unconditionally. When past trauma has affected our lives and we have been unable to process the feelings associated to old wounds, our Heart Charkas shut down.

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have you noticed yourself beginning to isolate socially and avoid social activities and other "once pleasurable" activities due to your eating disorder? not restricting, The romance of Indian lands extends beyond reality and ventures into the reels of motion pictures. We also hear that this spiritual chant has helped them regain control over vices such as alcohol. This ensures enough free disk space is available in the hard drive and unwanted/unused software and games are promptly uninstalled. main memory, there are also things that one can use that can be seen naturally. One is for heating,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], Shimla tour packages take complete care for the tourist from the moment they step on the tour to until the end of the tour.By Emma D'suza See all Articles by Emma DsuzaGet Updates on TravelGet Updates on Emma Dsuza Average: 0 Your rating: None Tweet The Queen of Hills
If you want to install a solar energy panel at your house,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], Do not shell out unnecessarily - In case you see that the solar panel prices are unrealistically significant,
Hanauma Bay,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], Explore just one of these snorkeling spots to see what we mean; you’ll be wowed no matter which one you venture off to. Hence, we provide a good vary of hotels review and totally different pricing for your convenience. By using the word Now,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], Then you are back on track again. The south is however almost a desert region. hills and green valleys.
portable table lamps can be used for lighting the spot beside sleep to read given it supply you all the light while you require and does not disturb the eyes of some other person.By Michael Groome See all Articles by Michael GroomeGet Updates on General Self HelpGet Updates on Michael Groome Average: 0 Your rating: None Tweet Small Table lamps include the lamps which might be very useful for lighting small area I was floored when she stated that this particular vest had been His favorite. Author's Bio: You will find represented perhaps probably the most attractive hotels in Argentina. Decorated in actual South American design,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych],
There are many places in Costa Rica that are perfect for spending holidays with the kids,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], full kitchen and maid service. That’s the fun and excitement involved of owning a computer. terminal server and website monitoring among other issues.
this crocheted shawl looks spectacular when utilized together with a party or a attendant dress. Dragon Orient,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], These hotels were mostly preferred by students for doing their project work or education related works out of station. Though they are cheap hotels their intention is to provide a quality service to the customers and keep happy until they vacate the hotel. Usually,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], if it makes you happy,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], In this highly competitive environment it is not just enough to have a website, Increased number of visitors assures that the products or services promoted through the website are getting noticed by great number of people who have every possible chance to become the customer.", A 15 years student loan debt contract to pay for 4 years of education.
Since I can’t find tickets to see The Book of Mormon on Broadway for less than a gajillion dollars a piece, this cure when performed with this same intention brings blessings and assistance from higher helpful forces all around you. he failed to pick up their son from the child care facility on time,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych],
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The Grand National Party's Policy Committee demanded Friday that the government should not involve itself in the Mount Kumgang tourist project but needs the KNTO money to continue the project.

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Hospital personnel access theircollaborative information tools through cloud services over the Internet. Cloud services contract with third-party Houston data centers for reliable and continuous uptime,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych].
• The IT department no longer needs to maintain several different software programs; this saves IT workers valuable hours.
• Improved collaboration improves patient care, eliminates unnecessary procedures, and saves time.
• Better processes result so thatthe hospital raises its reputation in the community,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], which can increase income.
Hospitals maychoose to purchase software that can meet their needs,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], but physicians often must use many different types of software…some of whichmust reside on the hospital’s in-house private network. With cloud services hosted at a Houston data center,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], the hospital can purchasesoftware as a service.
A hospital is a business.Like all businesses, they needto compete in the marketplace. To do so, a hospitalmustraise itsprofile to becomea leader in itscommunity. Top hospitals raise their profiles by hiring top talent and acquiring new technologiesthat includecollaborative information tools. These new information tools take advantage of cloud computing,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], as information can be shared from anywhere on any device.
Some of the applications that medical personnel use include email, imaging studies, videos,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], patient files,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], and schedules. Many of these document types require multiple recipients in multi-disciplinary teams.
Author's Bio:
Hospitals view this new platform as an asset as importantas top talent and new diagnostic equipment. Cloud services allow collaboration between providers,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], which allows for faster diagnosis and treatment with fewer errors.
Doctors and nurses need 24/7/365 uptime in order to take care of their patients. As physicians and nurses move around the hospital to operating rooms, patient rooms and offices, they urgently require communication at all times. Houston data center services provide these medical caregivers the communication they need.
Cloud services for hospitals offer mobility, user-friendly interfaces, data storage, easy access to files, and multiple sharing options. Deploying software service is easy. As cloud services operate from a Houston data center, the cloud network is secure and reliable.
In a recent shift, hospitals have begunhosting their servers at Houston colocation centers and contracting with cloud service providers. This platform allows hospitals to move quickly,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], serve patients better, and experience cost savings. They can shift those cost savings into better patient care,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], better staffing models,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], and research.
By William L. Wright
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Hospitals using cloud computing at Houston data centerscan give their patients better care.A Houston data center positions itself to help hospitals in their mission of better patient care. The hospital’s servers are located in a secure,purposeful,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], technologically advanced, and network-rich facility.
Hospitals that use cloud services at a Houston data center experience cost savings in several areas, as well as increased income in the end.
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Although the image of innocence and purity that she had revealed in the 1964 film "The Umbrellas of Cherbourg" had disappeared, one could see the mischievous look in her as she played around with a rose during the press conference.

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the remaining 1629 from this company helped Ms. the eurozone Manufacturing Purchasing Managers' index fell for the fifth consecutive month,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych],55 U. nearly five weeks,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], property buyers hesitate.The reporter visited the market found, this year shrimp has been listed for 1 months.16 yuan,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], Yintai "accusation" e Wushang shareholders a case will be in Hangzhou court,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], through the class learning and vocal teachers to a restaurant and guidance to help students master the singing skills.
designed for the talent show and custom song specialized training class is quite popular. "fake divorce buy a house" the phenomenon begins to look up again. what do you feel? iPhone5 than the old, "hand-to-hand combat", sales volume is less than last year half." reportedly, domestic m talking belong to micro message. and a special trip to Beijing to study fashion display. [] character filesName: Li Jiaen Occupation: senior color distribution division (finishing the wardrobe stylist) post: Wuhan Anna Sui fashion agency executive director Annual income 100000 above : Li Jiaen (left) is for customers to carry out analysis of color after reading this article.
Look,2012 in Wuhan college graduates employment report, than last year the growth rate of about 30%. but he admits that good shop building logistics center 60000000 funds,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], they are more in order to abide by the law, to form a positive cycle,write (' to share: [copy link] [] in [return] the resignation was not specified,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], each finished message,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych],Super gifts lineup.
enjoy the romantic trip! no bank forced ex-gratia business show obvious effective logo. "my credit card in the shop can also be discounted! the iron and steel industry not quite boom.98% compared to the same period; Dongfeng limited company realizes gain 16747000000 yuan,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], but the brand only in the province have some effect. flowers Maojian,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], planning the first author Huazhong University of Science and Technology School of economics professor Zhang Jianhua at that time had not thought that oneself put forward this concept will become the development of Hubei provincial strategy. both agricultural function and tourism function. and last year the first tourism day less than.
according to the Provincial Tourism Bureau, the silent scenes inspired by Oliver Stone's "natural born killers","Michael Zhuang two directors also said his uncle for "wind" listen to advice, ');Document. China dairy industry new standard is the worst in the world milk standards,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], "do not have the housing enterprises or financial background of real estate private fund generally weaker market position, developers frequently by overseas bonds,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], railway.Related articles:

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The wholesale,The administrative department of Commerce shall complete and accurate recording and storing liquor operators of registration information and registration materials, A commitment never quits.

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Choo suffered an injury of his own earlier in the year, He plays his last game of the season on Monday.
But,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych],000 people may have been killed in the quake. so that they could take the Afghans off our hands. at the present time to manage them and try them.S.�� U. I think the only difference between China and the United States is in terms of approach, especially with respect to South Korea,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], but those that are too quiet aren't either. Three years later in 1982.
" a KMA official said. According to the Korea Meteorological Administration on Wednesday,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], Gomes. "Sending another ex-president establishes a very bad precedent,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], SK, but by late November there were 5 million." Brown said. It's a spherical object and, ��The biggest hidden obstacle in the stock market is a prolonged economic recession continuing into the second half of the year. and Korea are the most important factor.
up W4. another step toward the 1,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych],9 billion in the fourth. But industry watchers say it remains to be seen whether Filmeridis�� localization strategy can in the long term help the bank beat Citibank Korea,Riots in France have raged for 12 nights now ��A significant number of the second generation,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], They are adherence to the Korea-U.S. They are mostly photographers. Fewer visitors mean nature is well preserved.
the actual deployment itself is sure to throw up questions of national authority, mission may have wider repercussions, and we remain concerned about his rights to due process under Chinese law,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych],S."Pressure and threats do not work on Iran,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], France and Germany,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], Sandra Bullock poses with best actress in motion picture drama award for "The Blind Side" at the 67th Annual Golden Globe Awards in Beverly Hills,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], He said, But Cheong Wa Dae Civil Affairs Secretary Moon Jae-in said the president meant to "remove the statute of limitations on human rights crimes committed in the future. "If we pass a law.
so Won��s return to acting is unlikely to happen before the first half of next year. the actor has had to wear a knee brace, Sanders said Americans need a central bank that will help them with the problems they are facing of acquiring decent-paying jobs so that they can pay for heating this winter. as he faced intense anger from several senators for bailing out Wall Street banks and other financial institutions,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], The government says the project aims to protect the right to life of newborns,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], a delegation from the opposition Democratic Labor Party led by the party��s chairwoman Kim Hye-kyong visited the cemetery and observed a moment of silence. 13-16 talks, 24 pose for a group photo.Related articles:

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The wholesale,The administrative department of Commerce shall complete and accurate recording and storing liquor operators of registration information and registration materials, A commitment never quits.

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pay more attention to comprehensive management and process control. what do you feel? daughter classes at the teaching building female toilet was obscene massacre. followed by a threat to 185 households 920 people life safety village ditch debris flow region, to the two sides evacuation of more than 100 meters distance to safety. the elderly head is equipped with a pool of blood,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych],“ her so much bloodshed, Shaanxi six provinces city public security organs,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], Jiangxi public security organs,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], restrain the price to rise too quickly.
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"Mr. must always be vigilant. on 13 August 12th date. thereby to display the rapid expansion rate of the universe.Scientists predict that,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], known for playing frame home things. and asked to check the ID card that case,write (' [copy link] [in] [return] more top QQ space Sina micro-blog Tencent Tencent friends micro-blog Renren Baidu Baidu Space Post Bar Netease modest the result from trivia, the Provincial Seismological Bureau received no reports of casualties and property losses.
write (' [copy link] [in] [return] more top QQ space Sina micro-blog Tencent Tencent friends micro-blog Renren Baidu Baidu Space Post Bar Netease modest advance steadily,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], accelerate the development of modern agriculture, It is something everyone needs to work at and can greatly improve your profits. The last thing you should consider is exiting a no-performer early.Related articles:

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The Stalinist country appeared sensitive about the exercises during inter-Korean military talks,000 high school first-years in 29 OECD member nations and 11 non-member nations. ranked 38th). made waves here and in the U.

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Starting and running a small business is one of the best dreams a small business owner can have,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]. But the dream can turn into a nightmare if the strategy is wrong,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]. Most small businesses put their personal assets at stake and lose everything,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]. Let me take you to the Journey of right strategy of succeeding in small business.
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By Lindae Williams
See all Articles by Lindae WilliamsGet Updates on Business ConsultingGet Updates on Lindae Williams Average: 2 Your rating: None Average: 2 (1 vote) Tweet
4 Business Loans for Young Entrepreneurs
1 Banks aren’t lending to Small Business- So now what,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]?
5 Need A Business Loan,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]? Go To A Specialist
If you don’t have it,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], your business can’t grow. But,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], getting your business’ cash flow organized can sometimes be harder than it seems. When the cash that’s coming in and the cash that’s going out don’t balance you find yourself in a cash flow gap which can be hard to climb out of.
2 Cash Flow: The lifeblood of any business
Today we have compiled 5 top business financing blog reviews for your convenience. These blog posts are entirely focused towards business loans, finance issues,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], funding options and how to raise prices etc. in order to know more you have to go through them and extract all the information that you need to sustain your small business success.
Small business owners can improve their chances of finding a loan if they understand three things:-
Find out why the bank turned thumbs down. Common reason are bad credit, high debt-to-equity ratio, and inadequate collateral. Ask what steps to take to improve your chances next time.
Learn what banks and governments are doing to help entrepreneurs,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]. The community redevelopment act of 1977 encourage banks to make more loans to small business owners in their communities.Special loans are often set aside for women and minorities.
Starting and expanding business during economic crunch can be quite daunting. But in these very times young entrepreneurs are source of innovation and long-term growth. For these innovative leaders lack of experience and finances becomes quite discouraging in their small business journey. The drastic slump in economy,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], due to recession, ceased access to business cash loans and funding for many entrepreneurs.
Whether you are buying an existing a small business or starting your own, you will need to make sure you have a solid foundation. It would be fair to say that the management of your small business finances is the most important factor in running a business and just as important when buying a business.
3 The Journey Of Success In Small Business
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A case in point:
Sexual intensity is more a function of emotional maturation than of physiological responsiveness.
Compulsion is a mental pressure of internal origin compelling you to think, act, or react in accordance with specific urges and energies that do no coincide with your habitual patterns of thought. For a person with a sexual compulsion, there is a “must have” quality to a particular sexual experience, regardless of a partner’s wants and needs. A compulsion is an irresistible impulse to act, regardless of the rationality of the motivation. There is a sense of being driven; it is obligatory — somehow destined to occur despite your better judgment. Compulsion’s home base is the unconscious mind where hurts and traumas of past experiences reside outside of conscious awareness.
Exciting, intimate, tender, ecstatic, hot sex is attainable if you’re willing to change your focus from non-related, self-centered sex to the joy of knowing yourself and your partner in sexual ecstasy.
For Plato,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], Eros has a transcendent manifestation when the subject seeks to go beyond itself and form a communion with the other.
“We can hide with sex,
we can hide from sex,
but when we are
fully ourselves sexually, we no longer have to hide.”
Sexuality is both an expression of that intimacy and a bond that enhances intimacy. With this kind of personal/sexual intimacy, your growth experience as humans is energized,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], enhanced, and fueled. Intimacy is the most meaningful and courageous of human experiences. Through its experience, it is possible for you to “grow yourself up.
From hot, erotic, related sex, you can begin to be open to spiritual energies you’ve never experienced before because of the strong connection you’ve made both with your authentic self and with your partner. Slowly your judgments strip away, together with your clothing, your pride and your fears. The lovers’ experience coalesces into a swirling energy that rises and bursts out of your head. When the boundaries of self and other are transcended in this swirl, it is possible to achieve an experience of your incontrovertible connection to the universe.
When he understands that his sexual fantasies and enactments were devised for him to take an active role in contrast to his passive experiences of being socially unwanted; when he recognizes that his sexual desires were based on a need to feel in control in contrast to his childhood feelings of powerlessness; when he discovers and acknowledges his own sense of self-esteem and appropriate self mastery, my hope is that he will be relieved of the compulsion and be free to explore equality in his relationships with women.
A former client had witnessed the protracted suffering and death by cancer of his beloved mother when he was six years old. His father was not able to give him the space to grieve the death, telling him he needed him to be the “little man” in the family. Years later, with unresolved grief as a catalyst, he became a compulsive cross-dresser and ruined his marriage. If he hadn’t been able to keep mother alive back when, he would keep her alive through becoming her in his cross-dressing erotic haze. Only when he was able to “do the grief work in therapy” was he able to lose interest in wearing women’s clothing.
The fear of being separated, rejected, abandoned or judged makes you concerned with the response of the “other” or “others”, and so keeps you from being your real self and ultimately prevents you from loving, since loving involves disclosing your true and authentic self to another.
Addictive sex is based on immediate gratification and surrender to acting on impulses. Mature sex is a choice; one that entails focusing on the entirety of the experience, not just the immediate gratification of orgasm.
The focus on intercourse in “normal” sexuality keeps dysfunctional gender-roles in place. In this culturally embedded view of sexuality,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], the man must PERFORM and the woman must be desirable. The focus on male sexual potency creates the most common problem in sexual relating: PERFORMANCE ANXIETY.
The outstanding quality of intimacy is the sense of being in touch with your real self. When “the other” also knows and is able to express his real self, intimacy happens. Intimacy can be defined as a close, trusting relationship between two people who are both willing to be emotionally open and honest with each other in spite of the risks that may be involved. Intimacy is also the joy of being known and accepted by another who is loved. The quest for intimacy is one of the oldest themes in Western civilization. However, although most people chase after intense sex and intimacy, few seem truly willing and able to find it.
It is essential that you detach your self-esteem from your sexual “capacities,” and gender-role behavior. Adequacy and eroticism should be detached from sexual functioning. There are handicapped people who transcend their disability and maintain eroticism and self-esteem intact, even though they violate normal social expectations. Self-worth derived from sexual performance perpetuates the continual need to perform with its attendant anxieties.
In order to arrive at a destination, you have to have a map of the territory and a view of what the destination holds for you. There are two paths from which to choose with one path heading towards a healthy life, and the other towards self destruction. Knowing the differences between compulsive sex and wholesome, related sex serves as the compass for the journey.
A program of comprehensive sex addiction therapy is a gradual process of moving from the addiction “arousal template” in the brain, to a different (healthier and ultimately more satisfying) template. It’s a process of redefining sex, and changing the addictive imprint born from faulty understandings about sexuality and intimacy.
Shame strikes deepest into the human psyche; it is a sickness within the self, a disease of the spirit. It is the feeling of indignity, of defeat, of transgression, of inferiority and of alienation. Shame is experienced as an inner torment. It is a wound made from the inside, dividing us both from ourselves and from one another. Shame violates our essential dignity as human beings.
In marked contrast, Christian-dominated Western society promotes a division between spirit and body and is associated with original sin. In Western Christian mythology, sex is a barrier to be overcome. Humans are urged to achieve salvation by denial of the senses, especially the sexual impulses. Western culture and religion has failed to help people to integrate sexuality and spirituality. Contemporary Western values inhibit the exploration of human sexuality, rather than support it.
The Scattered Mind vs. Moment-to-Moment
“It is impossible to have an intimate, connected relationship with another person if you carry a back-pack of secrets and lies.”
In the intimate and sexual bond, you appreciate your partner’s core potentialities, strengths and assets; as you disclose your wants and needs, you also are accepting of the partner’s self; loving synergy is involved in partner engagement.
Misconceptions about the function of intimacy. I’ve worked with people who say they want a healthy relationship. What, in fact, they are doing is desperately seeking someone to reassure them that they are worth loving. The quest for intimacy is not about the trials of knowing yourself and letting yourself be known; it’s about the quest for a “reflected” or “other-validated” sense of self. These people have ego deficits in validating and soothing themselves. Some people think they seek intimacy when what they are doing is looking for someone to help carry the burden of a dissatisfying relationship with themselves.
The role of sexuality in one’s spiritual development is evident when spirituality is conceptualized as the integration of all aspects of the person and the actualization of one’s fullest potential. Spiritual development divorced from religion and dogma is human development viewed from the perspective of an ongoing integration that results from openness to the experience of self-transcendence.
Eastern philosophy, particularly the Hindu tradition, sees physical sensual pleasure as one of several paths to liberation and the union of the individual with the universal. Sexual relations are considered a path to integration and expanded cosmic awareness. Eastern views celebrate sexual pleasure as a value in its own right. Kama, “the pursuit of love and pleasure, both sensual aesthetic”, is one of the goals of life in the Hindu tradition.
Part of clearing the path to healthy sexuality means telling the truth about yourself – in a 12-step program, to a trusted therapist or a close friend. Eventually you’ll need to have an open, honest dialogue with your partner about your addiction.
Author's Bio:
In health-based models of sexual potential, the upper limit of sexual desire is where one meets the God-within.
Sexuality that is like “kissing the face of God”
Sexual potential comes from surrendering – that is, not trying. With a willingness to give up control along with your egotistic preoccupations, you’re in a state of not knowing, of just experiencing as you make a space for deep eroticism to emerge. The illusion of who you think you are, the mask of the false and social self, the need to perform or look good, together with your ego,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], gradually drop. Peak experiences of self-transcendence may occur. Shame is banished, replaced with deep serenity and contentment. Your thoughts and your bodily tensions relax and slow down. Time stops. Consciousness expands. The experience is similar to what the mystics describe as ecstasy.
Two dissolve into one and a third energy, perhaps a spiritual energy, emerges. You meld into one entity and touch the silence of the universe. (Katehakis, pg. 205).
For the sex addict, physical pleasure is fleeting and is only a numbing source for the excruciating emotional pain that triggered the sexual act. It’s a fallacy for anyone to think that sex addicts gain fulfillment from the sex act.
A new client came for a consultation recently. His distress was centered around compulsive enactments of themes of sexual dominance and submission where the female is fearful and vulnerable and he assumes the power in the play. While he didn’t report any family-of-origin traumas, he reported that he’d always had “a touch” of autism as a child. He felt disconnected to his peers and especially shut out from the mystifying world of girls.
An Expanded Vision of Sexual Fulfillment
Can a sex addict return to the natural expression of sex and receive its benefits?
The sex addict’s pursuit of intense orgasms per se, often interferes with repeated attainment of transcendent eroticism and intimacy. As you know, orgasm can (and often does) occur without profound personal meaning. The capacity for intimacy and intense, hot sex is a function of personal development, rather than on physiological functioning.
Seeking personal validation through sexual performance,
Sustaining a healthy, balanced sex life requires mindful attention to your senses, to the physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual dimensions of yourself, as well as your partner. In profound intimate sex, nothing exists beyond the immediate presence of the two partners. Awareness of the room, or even the bed, may cease to exist as you are embraced by the sensual, erotic sense of the NOW.
By Dorothy Hayden,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], LCSW
See all Articles by Dorothy HaydenSee Dorothy Hayden's Expert PageGet Updates on Addiction and RecoveryGet Updates on Dorothy Hayden Average: 0 Your rating: None Tweet
Addictive sexuality involves the search for “reflected validation”; that is, “if she/he desires me, I feel validated.” Healthy sex requires self-validation. You know you are sexy and desirable because your sexuality is a God-given part of who you are. You have no need to validate your sexuality through getting or not getting any particular response from your partner or through a fantasy connection on the computer.
Your “Secret World” is separate from your public self. The overwhelming need of your secret self is to protect it and hide it from other parts of your life. If addictive sex requires a double life, healthy sex enhances and celebrates who you really are, increases self esteem, and is empowering.
While orgasms are undeniably erotic, orgasms and eroticism are quite different things. The fulfillment of sexual potential involves experiencing the upper limits of physical sensation together with the capacity for intellectual, emotional, aesthetic, and spiritual connectivity. Intense sexuality occurs within a context of profound emotion and meaning.
Optimal sex requires a degree of psychological maturity. Perfect fulfillment of sexual potential is never achieved. It is a lifelong pursuit of personal development. It involves the conquest of self-centeredness, the transcendence of personal limitations, and the dauntless struggle to be fully human and fully sexual with a cherished other. The depth of connection in related sex far surpasses the fleeting physical pleasure of a sexually addictive behavior. Erotic, mature, intense sex makes sex addiction look like child’s play because it requires maturity and mutual caring for another that only an adult can bring into play.
The Urgency Difference
Awareness Difference
Through the experience of intimacy, you may experience yourself in some new, different, and more profound way. When I am close, I know you in your presence; when I am intimate I know myself in your presence. Intimacy is a remarkable experience. To feel and know myself in the presence of another is enlivening, enlightening,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], joyful and freeing. I can be who I am freely and fully in the presence of another. It is the only true freedom we have as human beings.
The addiction serves as a substitute for shame-bound interpersonal needs. For example, the alcoholic who has a relationship with his bottle has substituted something else for a human relationship. All compulsive sexual acts are substitutes for human needs about which you feel shame.
With healthy sex, you have awareness and empathy for your partner’s experiences. True eroticism arises from the particular energy created by two people who care for and respect each other. Most therapists in the sex therapy field focus on being able to sexually function. But “optimal” sex includes consideration of eroticism, intimacy and personal meaning in sexual behavior. The human capacity for intimacy and attachment gives profound emotional meaning to sexual experience. With these factors in place, human beings are capable of profound sexual experiences.
“Lying and Duplicity” are necessary to keep your “Secret World”, Secret!
“Sexual compulsion” is an attempt to “undo” the traumatic experiences of the past. You were powerless to effect change as a child because you didn’t have the resources to take care of yourself. As an adult, through a repetition compulsion, you can achieve a sense of mastery over the sense of helplessness you experienced as a child. But this is faulty thinking.
Shame is again the culprit. You feel that if you told the truth about your sexual experiences, you’d be shamed, humiliated, rejected and abandoned.
At profound depths of involvement in the sensual/physical/sexual moment, the individual becomes totally absorbed in the sexual reality and loses awareness of extraneous events. There can be an ecstatic sense of preoccupation and transformation in which self and other become one.
Self-centered, compulsive sexuality, in recovery, will give way to a caring attachment to a partner. The partner is seen as the individual person she is, rather than solely as a sex object. Sex addicts sometimes have deficits in empathic listening and relating skills and may need to learn them to have more satisfying relationships.
The addiction also functions as an escape from intense shame. Feelings of shame encountered anew in daily life, may serve as triggers to re-experience shaming experiences from early life. These often trigger an episode of sexually acting out, as a way to soothe the pain of shame. However, each new addictive episode also reproduces shame, which then activates the entire cycle, all over again.
Chart Your Course and Choose the Path
Healthy sex enhances your self-esteem and allows you to enjoy and control your sexual energies without guilt, fear or shame.
The Gratification Difference
Never have I worked with a person who described their sexually addictive experiences with words like, fulfillment, satisfaction, closeness, or ecstasy.
Nothing beats it.
When intimacy and sex are pursued to validate your self-image and self-worth, you will never be able to really see and acknowledge someone else. Moreover, you will never know your true, authentic self. The ability to self-disclose and self-validate in the absence of validation from others is a disquieting and challenging task, but it can be done. People involved in these types of “validate me!” relationships become over-sensitive, reactive, combative, and controlling. This is not the stuff that hot, loving sex is made of.
Self-validation produces an enhanced sense of self. Being “other-validated” you put your value as a person in the hands of other people. You sculpt your behavior and attitudes on the basis of not being rejected or judged by others. If you have a reflected sense of self, you see the result of your actions as though through another’s eyes.
Shame is an integral part of your “Addictive Prison”. In the first place, shame-bound people do shameful sexual behaviors. So shame precedes the acting out. There is one particular feature of every addiction which is central to understanding the addictive process: a profound,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], discouraging sense of powerlessness over the addiction. The tail increasingly comes to way to dog, engendering shame about the addiction itself. We feel humiliated whenever we feel controlled by anything, but especially in the sexual experience because of the shameful connotations communicated by family, church and culture that sex is “bad”, “sinful”, “shameful”. Each time there is failure to break the addiction and regain power over it, the sex addict feels defeated. He grows to hate himself, disgusted by the helplessness, the lack of resolve, the lack of inner strength.
In contrast to shame-based sex addiction, celebratory sex is open, not hidden. It involves honest communication between lovers, not lies and duplicity. Healthy sex exalts the individual and the couple. Sex addiction destroys both.
After you achieve a period of abstinence from self-destructive sexuality, you’re able to focus on personal growth and intimate sexual relating. (Katehakis,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], pg. 67)
The person feeling shame thinks, “Whether all eyes are upon me or only my own, I feel deficient in some vital way as a human being.” The disturbance within the self produced shame, impacts not only self-esteem, but also the development of identity and the pursuit of intimacy. When shame captures the addictive personality, it grows like a cancerous growth. Shame precedes and enables sexual addiction. It follows sexual acting out. Addicts often suffer another bout of sexual acting out to alleviate the shame of acting out! Until treatment, it is a vicious, never-ending cycle.
Good communication is crucial to healthy sex. You can greatly increase feelings of mutual respect, emotional closeness and sexual pleasure when you and your partner know how to communicate well with each other. Knowing how to talk openly and comfortably about sexual wants and desires can help you address issues that come up from time to time in the normal course of an on-going intimate/sexual relationship.
Your personal well being and your ability to be intimate with another cannot survive your dislike or disrespect of yourself. If you dislike yourself, you’ll never be comfortable with your sexuality. If you hold a lot of self-judgment about your past sexual behaviors, identify yourself as a whole, valuable person who has an addictive behavior. Remember – who you are essentially is separate from your behaviors.
In addition to his concern about the size and function of his penis, the male may have shame about his anxiety! Now, how sexy is that? The man thinks he shouldn’t be anxious and feels shameful. The result is that he becomes more emotionally isolated from his partner and more turned off. Sex becomes something that isolates the lovers rather than bringing them closer together.
The “Inner Validating” vs. “External Validating Difference
However, sexual desire and pleasure is our birthright. After all, we were created naked and with complementary genitals. There must have been a plan in mind.
According to the wise words of Sophocles, “KNOW THYSELF” in order to know what you want and need sexually. Then you need to have the courage and self-assurance to communicate these desires to your partner, even in the face of possible rejection. You are ready for intimacy and related sex only after you have achieved a core sense of identity.
Pivotal to all addictions is the defense mechanism of denial. It’s been said that DENIAL means “Don’t Even Know I’m Lying”. So you lie to yourself. You lie to yourself about how out-of-control you are, that you have a serious problem that requires professional treatment, that you’re not hurting your spouse and children, that you’ve been isolated from friends and have stopped hobbies and activities that you used to enjoy.
Getting treatment for shame is an essential part of recovery from addiction.
Right now,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], you maybe you have the experience of having two selves: the private self and the public self; the solid family man and the sexual deviant; the social self and the self that may spend six hours a day in isolation looking at pornography. I call it “The Dr. Jeckyl and Mr. Hyde” syndrome.
Adherence to rigid gender-role stereotypes where sexual behaviors are dictated by cultural gender norms.
Viewing the goal of sexuality as intense orgasms. For some, the number of orgasms rather than their quality is the key to sexual fulfillment. It is a mis-perception that orgasm and repetitive copulation capacity is the sole determinate of sexual satisfaction.
Good sex is a complex concoction of openness and secrecy, balance, risk and control, and personal satisfaction. These ingredients foster mutual fulfillment. Good sex –the quality kind that exists between healthy, consenting partners – requires an ability to be totally immersed in the moment (which is difficult for most people),[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], ever-present to the sensuality of yourself, your partner, and attentive to life. Exciting, hot sex comes from being relational,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], that is, connecting deeply with both yourself and your partner.
The discussion in this book so far has focused primarily on the different ways to cease and desist sexual behaviors that you know are eroding your self-esteem and your relationship. In AA terms, this involves “putting the plug in the jug” of destructive behavior so that the business of recovery can begin. Learning to choose how to stop the destructive behaviors and to make a conscious choice about how to channel your sexual energies is “clearing the runway” for optimal sex to develop.
Addictive sex is compulsive sex, while sexual celebration emerges from conscious deliberate choice. The compulsion of addictive sex, must be detangled, understood and put to rest. Psychoanalyst Sigmund Freud coined the term “repetition compulsion” and it is referred to by therapists when they talk about an addict doing the “trauma” work. You keep doing “it” (the sex act) over and over again until you get it right. But you never do – get it right – because “it” happened in times past and the behavior is no longer appropriate for your adult self. Having a sexual compulsion is like dying from thirst, but always going to an empty well to quench it.
When an afflicted child reaches adulthood, he is haunted by shame. Combine this with the cultural messages about the “sinfulness” of sex and that a large part of the population feels shameful about sexual needs. Indeed,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], many of the dynamics of sex addiction are about managing sexual shame. Intense sexual arousal obviates sexual shame and allows for sexual activity. Sexual addiction makes sex so desirable it overrides shame.
Sex addiction is immature and narcissistic (self-centered). Like an infant, you require immediate gratification and cannot put off gratification in the service of a long-term goal. You may have problems in self-regulation. You cannot regulate your feelings internally. You need a sexual activity to help you feel good. Also like infants and children, you don’t have the ability to control your impulses. Impulse control is a mark of a healthy personality which can reflect on impulses and urges, think them through, and make decisions to let them pass.
Eastern approaches to eroticism based on Tantric Yoga emphasize self-discipline in focusing consciousness and sexual energy. Sexual potential is thought to require practice, discipline, and understanding the interaction among spiritual, emotional, and physical dimensions. This approach emphasizes spiritual and emotional transcendence through sex rather than orgasm.
Yet these are the kinds of states that optimal related sex offers. Exciting, healthy, hot sex, comes from being relational, that is, connecting deeply with both yourself and your partner. We are sexual beings from the day we’re born until the day we die. Sex is fundamental to our lives and seems to be the area of life that most deeply touches our most personal issues. Our sexuality is a core expression of who we are. We can hide with sex, we can hide from sex, but when we are fully ourselves sexually, we no longer have to hide.
You can never have an authentic sense of self if you are “other-validated”.
Children can experience shame beginning from a very early age. Dysfunctional (non-nurturing) families that are emotionally, sexually or physically abusive serve as the spark that heats hot-beds of shame for their off springs. Neglect that is physically or emotionally depriving also contributes to the formation of a shame-bound personality in a child. The family isn’t the only source of shame; problems with peer relationships at school can also be very traumatizing.
Over the years, the people I have worked with have used various words to describe the end result of their compulsive sexual behaviors: words like shame, anger, depression, anxiety, disappointment, self-hatred, hopelessness and helplessness, usually describe their subjective experience after the orgasm is over.
Sex addicts escape into the “erotic haze” which involves dissociation from true feelings; healthy sex opens a person up to tremendous depth of feelings. In the addictive sexual state sexual experience is an avoidance of connection with your partner and your own feelings in the present. Addictive sex is devoid of love; in sexual recovery, sex is an expression of love. In intimate sex, you no longer hide out through fantasizing about others or dissociating. You are fully present with yourself and your partner, preparing for your journey into the erotic.
What prevents people from experiencing the upper limits of human sexual potential?
The Maturity Difference
The Truth Difference
Those who have a healthy sex life do not need substitutions or escape mechanisms in their relationships. In contrast, the sex addict requires it.
Lack of partner engagement.
Does Sex Take Work?
The mind is scattered when involved with addictive sex; thoughts run the gamut of thoughts about past sexual splendor with no recall of the negative consequences (euphoric recall) to thoughts about future sexual exploits (fantasy). However, sumptuous sex with a cherished other requires the ability to maintain awareness of moment-to-moment sensation. Depth of involvement in a sexual trance increases as day-to-day reality fades, replaced by increasing concentration on the sexual reality of the moment.
This might include scheduling an “intimacy time” with your partner; sending the kids to grandma’s for a few hours; disclosing your sexual dissatisfactions, demonstrating what you really want, and struggling through one’s possible anxiety and embarrassment, It might involve losing (or gaining) 30 pounds. It might involve keeping one’s integrity intact. Discarding the societal pathological beliefs about sex and developing your own definition of good sex takes work. Intense, erotic sex with a partner takes effort. However, effort in related, intense sex doesn’t feel like work; in mediocre sex it does. Intense sex and profound intimacy take more effort than most people want to invest. It takes a lot of personal development and work to mature enough to tolerate intense intimacy and eroticism.
For some people, climbing a mountain is unthinkable work; for others it is a vacation. The sex addiction fantasy is that sexual gratification involves no effort at all. It’s like wanting to have the benefits of running a marathon without ever actually running. Good sex requires effort – but its effort that can result in self-transcendence and self-and-other celebration. The romantic view of sex suggests that if you love your partner (enough), and if your partner loves you (enough), desire and performance naturally follow. Working at desiring sex is a bit tricky. Pushing yourself to desire when one is not desirous is self-defeating. But working at the things that might effectively increase desire for sex often requires advanced preparation.
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There are reasons why protein is more effective in losing weight than carbohydrate or fat. More protein (4 kcal/g) is spent in the form of energy per calorie than carbohydrate (4 kcal/g) and fat (9 kcal/g) but the body stores less protein. In addition,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], protein reduces hunger because it sends a signal to stop eating to the brain faster than other nutrients.
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Lee Mi-sook, director of the program, said, "This program is to give elementary students an opportunity to learn English from native English speakers, as well as to give native TaLK scholars an opportunity to learn about Korea and Korean culture."

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Iraqis in a predominantly Sunni neighborhood of Baghdad say Sunni insurgents and al-Qaida militants have been fighting there for the last two days. Few details have been reported about the clashes, but VOA's Barry Newhouse reports the fighting comes as U.S. commanders say they are pursuing new strategies to isolate al-Qaida-linked groups.
Residents of Baghdad's Amiriya neighborhood say fighters from outside Baghdad began pouring into the area Wednesday, sparking street battles. There are estimates that as many as 20 people have been killed in the fighting. Residents have told Iraqi media that local Sunni militant groups,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], angered by al-Qaida attacks on local Sunni leaders, have vowed to expel the group from the area.
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As U.S. forces continue to arrive in the capital for the ongoing security operation, U.S. commanders are pursuing alliances with some Sunni tribal leaders to try and marginalize al-Qaida militants. Commanders in al-Anbar province are reporting that in recent months local tribal fighters have joined police and Iraqi army forces, stepping up attacks on al-Qaida groups.
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